Thank God for Delivering me from ME!!!

Hello, my name is Chiquita B. Miller, and no the “B” does not stand for banana! LOL Why am I starting this blog by introducing myself? Because recently I’ve had to reintroduce myself to Me! Imagine living a life so long a certain way and then realizing that you have cheated yourself from truly living altogether. Recently I went on a fast to detox my physical body. That led me into another fast to detox spiritually. During that fast I was honest and transparent with God. I had some areas I needed Him to fully deliver me from, such as people and thought process I had picked up along the way that I knew He was saying the season for them was over BUT…

I had grown comfortable with them there and God was saying no, yet I was trying to talk Him into accepting my desire. Thankfully He put his foot down and I surrendered. Note that I didn’t say I submitted. There is a difference. Submit is yielding without a struggle, surrender is giving in after you’ve worn yourself out struggling. So after I surrendered, I was totally open and transparent with God and much to my surprised the Holy Spirit revealed ME to me! Guess what I saw… Out of everything I’ve been through, I’ve forgiven people who have hurt me, BUT I hadn’t forgiven myself! It shocked me because I honestly thought I had. However the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me that not was I limiting myself from what God wants for me but it was because subconsciously I was punishing myself as well.

So let me explain… Have you ever felt like you made some poor decisions and they cost you? I mean really cost you. Well I have. As much as I would like to say that in my 51yrs of life and 40yrs of Christianity I have made nothing but wise godly decisions that would be a bald face lie! I’ve made some decisions that cost me EVERYTHING and here’s the tripped out part… I KNEW BETTER! So what happened afterwards? I thought I moved on. The people who were involved I released them but I blamed myself for being so stupid and gullible for even being in certain predicaments. Subconsciously I began to live beneath what God wanted for me. All because in my mind I’ve messed up so bad with what he had given me before surely I won’t get that opportunity again.

I began to lose confidence in what God has called and appointed me to do and be. I started the process of shrinking. Meaning instead of letting my light, actually it’s HIS light, shine all the way through me, I tried to dim it: anything to bring less attention. A part of me even began justifying my actions by saying stuff like, the last time I operated fully in my gifts this happened etc. So those experiences taught me to hold back and actually get somewhere and sit down and shut up so others would be comfortable with me. By the time the Holy Spirit got done with me, I realized I had to repent for not allowing God to fully use me at the capacity that HE requires and desires. I realized that I am responsible for the level of diminish I’ve allowed myself to live in. I realized that He alone is whom I have to please. I realized that God wants and has way better for me than I was willing to allow myself to have, let alone hope for. I realized that the only person holding me back, rejecting me, or being toxic to me was ME! When I tell you after I repented, the whole time crying an ugly cry, I got up lighter than ever, looked in the mirror and said “Hello Quita, get ready sweetheart you are about to meet someone that’s been dying to meet you… YOU!”  (Literally) I’m super excited because I don’t know all of what lies ahead for the New me oh but I know that she is healed, in Christ and going to be ALL that God wants her to be! I heard someone say in the Crazy Faith Series (I can’t remember who): “Don’t memorize me because you won’t recognize me!” I can honestly say that statement holds true for me. There is a new me on the horizon and I like her already! She’s FREE from self-loathing, self-deprivation, and self-denial. She has given herself permission to be, do and have all that God intended for her to have! I pray that if you have found yourself settling for less and thinking you don’t deserve the things that God wants to do for and through you that you will realize, like I did, if God can forgive you and want better for you then you should too! I am so grateful that God is detoxing me from me and I won’t take anything or anyone that’s toxic into next year! PRAISE GOD for NEW!!!  Much Love ~God’s Girl Chiquita

Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.”